Tomorrow my little monster girl heads to California for a week. I can’t help but worry about her. I never quite know what to expect during these trips. My experience has been that my tomboy comes back with an unwanted haircut, a very quiet demeanor, and suddenly dressed in pink. At least it’s only a week this time. I still have a few months before the dreaded 2-month departure.
I feel so helpless and unable to protect my stepdaughter. I love her as though I had given birth to her myself and yet she steps out to that other piece of her life and I’m powerless to make sure that she can be herself and express who she truly is. I have been incredibly pleased that she has not been teased in school by her peers about her tomboy sense of style that I find so amazingly wonderful and unique. Yet she is changed when she returns from her visits. After a short period of readjustment, she seems to swing even more into the tomboy/boy clothes loving persona. I can’t help but worry that this is not healthy for her. Yet I have no say her. No control. My ability to protect her only extends to “my time” with her.
Thus begins the countdown. One week. I just have to make it until next Monday evening. And then I can once again start to repair what I can’t help but see as little holes in her heart that seem to tear with every visit. Please let them be filled with love. Please don’t let the scar tissue take over her precious and amazing heart.
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